Kowe was a spitfire till the very end...A month before, she was diagnosed with renal failure. She loved playing with her stuffed toys and if you squeaked one, Kowe would run from wherever she was napping, bark her wee little bark and tilt her head to the side eager to play. Satine always ran to the toys first (her legs are a little longer) but would always let Kowe 'win' and bring them back to us. Walking with two Yorkies can be a bit tangly, especially when strollers, or small children are involved. So now just walking Satine, seems impossibly easy and wrong.
The tears have been spaced out more and more as the days since Kowe's passing continue on. She was just 'one of the kids' that loved unconditionally, snuggled anywhere, loved to sleep in, shook like a leaf during thunder storms, wasn't a fan of fireworks, loved to sunbathe, thought she was much bigger than her tiny frame, would sit by the door so she wouldn't be forgotten on car trips, loved bike rides and green peppers. She adored the new baby bundles we would bring home from the hospital and would always try to steal their toys. If a stroller was going on a walk, Kowe would hop underneath and would much rather ride than stroll, which is probably where she got her little round belly. She loved tummy rubs, greenies, warm weather and wasn't a fan of snow or the bitter cold.
I've had people say...
"are you going to get another dog?" or "that's why I won't get a dog"
but even though, the pain right now is tough, I wouldn't have it any other way. Tears are flowing as I type and I'll always miss my girl but she's not replaceable. Dogs, like kids, have their own personalities...and Kowe definitely had her own!
It's odd not saying "the girls", "Kowe", "Kooooooooweeeeeeeeeee", "Kowe Bug" or "Kowe Ann" when she was in trouble. The day before she left us, we knew it was time...I gave her a bath gently in the sink and had to hold up by cupping her sweet belly, which wasn't as round anymore, in my hand. She couldn't keep her food down and just wanted to sleep. I went to the craft store and picked up some cloud plaster to capture her tiny paw print, snipped a small locket of her fur and snuggled her by the fire, snapping photos and talking to her. The next morning I took her into the vet and she couldn't stand unless I held my hands on her sides. She'd lost 2 lbs. and now water was no longer on the menu either. The vet agreed that it was time and said I could come back anytime that day. I left their office with our two littles and tears streaming down my face as I carried my sweet Kowe home.
Looking back, I'm so very glad we got to spend that day with her. The kids all took photos holding Kowe and I even got her little head to tilt one last time for a photo when I squeaked one of her toys but she quickly laid it back down again when she remembered she didn't feel well. Broke my heart. I took her to the vet alone and it took a call to my hubby and lots of tears before I could get out of the car. I knew in my head, everything I was doing would be the last...the end...of her chapter. The last snuggle, last kiss, last look from her little round eyes, last touch of her sweet black button nose, last lick from her tiny pink tongue with a chunk missing from it. She nuzzled her tiny head on my chest and not long after we walked through the doors, two tiny heart beats and she was gone.
I still look for her in her beds and expect her tiny self to come prancing around the corner, ready to play but then remember...and the pain comes back or the smiles as I remember one of her little quirks. I try to think of her running in green grassy fields with a toy in her mouth, because that's where she was always happiest.
She was a lover of humans, stole our hearts and will always be in mine.
Love you forever Kowe Bug.
bed head
Satine and Kowe
helping Mama unpack her craft room...again
Satine and Kowe
on the farm in Iowa
The tears have been spaced out more and more as the days since Kowe's passing continue on. She was just 'one of the kids' that loved unconditionally, snuggled anywhere, loved to sleep in, shook like a leaf during thunder storms, wasn't a fan of fireworks, loved to sunbathe, thought she was much bigger than her tiny frame, would sit by the door so she wouldn't be forgotten on car trips, loved bike rides and green peppers. She adored the new baby bundles we would bring home from the hospital and would always try to steal their toys. If a stroller was going on a walk, Kowe would hop underneath and would much rather ride than stroll, which is probably where she got her little round belly. She loved tummy rubs, greenies, warm weather and wasn't a fan of snow or the bitter cold.
I've had people say...
"are you going to get another dog?" or "that's why I won't get a dog"
but even though, the pain right now is tough, I wouldn't have it any other way. Tears are flowing as I type and I'll always miss my girl but she's not replaceable. Dogs, like kids, have their own personalities...and Kowe definitely had her own!
It's odd not saying "the girls", "Kowe", "Kooooooooweeeeeeeeeee", "Kowe Bug" or "Kowe Ann" when she was in trouble. The day before she left us, we knew it was time...I gave her a bath gently in the sink and had to hold up by cupping her sweet belly, which wasn't as round anymore, in my hand. She couldn't keep her food down and just wanted to sleep. I went to the craft store and picked up some cloud plaster to capture her tiny paw print, snipped a small locket of her fur and snuggled her by the fire, snapping photos and talking to her. The next morning I took her into the vet and she couldn't stand unless I held my hands on her sides. She'd lost 2 lbs. and now water was no longer on the menu either. The vet agreed that it was time and said I could come back anytime that day. I left their office with our two littles and tears streaming down my face as I carried my sweet Kowe home.
I still look for her in her beds and expect her tiny self to come prancing around the corner, ready to play but then remember...and the pain comes back or the smiles as I remember one of her little quirks. I try to think of her running in green grassy fields with a toy in her mouth, because that's where she was always happiest.
She was a lover of humans, stole our hearts and will always be in mine.
Love you forever Kowe Bug.
snuggly puppy
helping Mama unpack her craft room...again
on the farm in Iowa
2 comments:
Your words are heartbreaking... You touch upon the fragile bond shared with our animals. They impact our lives with their love and devotion and leave us with a hole in our hearts.
Is it worth the tears and sorrow? Absolutely!
Your wonderful memories of her will always be with you.
Sharing your tears.
Sending hugs to you and your family.
Lydia, Bill, Syrah and Cuvèe
So sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds like she lived a extremely happy life! On another note you write beautifully! :)
~Carrie Hunter Keegan
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